Fire

آری، آری ، زندگی زیباست زندگی آتشگهی دیرنده پا برجاست گر بیفروزیش، رقص شعله اش در هر کران پیداست ورنه، خاموش است وخاموشی گناه ماست سیاوش کسرایی / / / / / Life is like fire, can burns forever. If we turn it on we can see flame dances from far away, other wise its dark and thats our fault.

Yesterday when I came to T.O, he was so happy. He was extremely happy, thinking we started our life together.

......
Today we went and saw 3 apartment, two of them was really good.
One was a nice apartment, with colourful walls, and it was the first floor in the building, so it was a cute background, that was a very nice asses. The problem was it was a bit far, however it was easy to get there though highway. He was interested in the apartment too and was suggesting to get the place.
We checked another apartment, it was in a very luxurious building, breath taking luxurious. It wasn't as big as the first one, However it was in the city and the transportation was a good asses.
I talked to the gentleman who was leasing the place and I've got $60 off per month, he wanted to rent the place a two weeks earlier from the time we were planing to move. which is good in some way however made it more expensive.
He was very excited for the place, thinking that we can move there in 3 weeks, have our own home in an amazingly chic apartment.
The good point is we are 2 people. and although in total the place is expensive but when we divided by 2 it wouldn't hurt.

The point that was strange is that as much as he is excited for these changes I am not. I don't know why. specially for the place. i was thinking maybe I can't see my self living in that luxurious apartment. Although that I can easily afford it.
I don't know if I'm scared of making big steps, If I used to not wanting the best of things?

I talked to him about the expenses, the expenses was never an issue for him, but knowing that I have concerns and I wasn't that excited for some thing he thought is the best case scenario, koli behesh zedeh hal khord, na tanha shooro shoghesh khabid, delesh ham gereft.
I don't want to spread the indifferences that I don't know where is it coming from, and screw his mood.
....

Labels: Me and Myself

We are walking,
I saw a writing on a church:
"Torture is wrong"
I'm thinking about all the news today, "duhhhhhhh"


my friends smiles at the sign and says:
"Do you remember we wanted to write a book about how to torture?"

I remember ......

Labels: Me and Myself

چرا تو خیلی راحت میتونی بگی :
" نه, من نمیخوام تو این کار رو بکنی. "


اما من نمیتونم, .

?????????????






اما من نمیتونم, اینو بگم, و بجاش همش سعی میکنم

یا به جای اینکه بگم:
من: نمیخوام, تو. . "

خودم رو به کم قانع میکنم و تو رو تحریک میکنم که انجام بدی کاری رو که ناراحتم میکنه و همه ی اعصابم و طرز فکرم رو به هم میریزه اگه انجامش بدی,


یا اینکه سعی میکنم خودت جوری منطق رو بزاری کنار هم که خودت نخواهی این کار رو بکنی. . .



.......................

جالبه که برام راحت تره با فشار عصبی ادامه بدم,

یا ازت جدا بشم, اما واضح نگم که تو حق نداری این کار رو بکنی



چرا؟ ؟ ؟ ؟ ؟

Labels: Me and Myself, What do YOU think?

Does it ever happen to you, that to find a citation for a question you do some research and the answer you get would confirm the the previous study and you do all your results according to that and then later on, you need to check something so you go and look for that citation.
Then not only you can't find that citation or any citation similar to that results but all the paper you find would have a totally different results? and the worst case is when you look at those paper, you will see they all were published in 1940-1970s!



Does it ever happen that you swear to god for yourself that you see something with your own eyes, and they weren't just one or two or three....
and then yourself reply: If you see them where are they?????

Labels: Me and Myself